It’s easy to sit back and think of all of the toxic people we’ve encountered in our lives. Some of us have become experts on identifying the manipulators and narcissists. If we can’t figure it out, there’s an unending amount of information available at our fingertips. Have we ever thought of how toxic we are? What traits have or characteristics flaws have we picked up as a result of life experiences?
The perpetual victim is also a form of manipulator. These are the people who are constantly going through the worst case scenarios no matter what. It’s that person that you dread seeing the message from or the phone call. You know they’re reaching out to you with some catastrophic struggle that requires your support. I don’t mean the person who is having a stream of bad luck, those are the people that need us and our support. The perpetual victim is the one that has told you every other day over years that they’re going to toss themselves into moving traffic before ghosting you.
Even the good things in their lives are tear jerking, terrible experiences. Instead of enjoying the building of deep connection to loved ones, they cry their eyes out because it didn’t happen sooner. Instead of appreciating a beautiful sunset, they lament about the ones they missed.
Chances are, this perpetual victim has told you on multiple occasions that you kept them alive multiple times over many years. They’re not reminding you over the years that you kept them alive in a dark time of their life, but that within the last month, every month spanning years, you messaged them at just the right time to stop them from pulling that proverbial or literal trigger. Or, they send you vague messages that you respond to until they say they’re just going to end the pain and go quiet. Leaving you to decide whether you’re worried or if its another time in which you rush over to find them playing dress up in their closet and taking selfies.
The perpetual victim traps people around them with guilt and pity. By continuously reminding those around them that they’re the reason the victim is still alive would, in many cases, would make people stick around out of a sense of obligation. They wouldn’t be able to live with themselves if the worst happened and there was a chance they could have stopped it. People will forgive character flaws because “they’re going through something” or “they’ve been through so much.”
Don’t misunderstand me, there are those unfortunate souls that seem to never be able to catch a break. There are people who struggle with their demons regularly over a long period of time. Those people need our support. Just remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. If someone is always draining your cup, they don’t care about your cup. They care about what you can put into theirs. It should be a pack and forth. You pour into theirs and they pour into yours.